<\/p>\n
KINK 101<\/strong> SENSORY DEPRIVATION & STIMULATION<\/strong> One Valentine\u2019s Day about a decade ago, I was engaging in kinky activities with my boyfriend. I was tied up and blindfolded and we were experimenting with wax and some weird, icy-hot Chinese oil he got in San Francisco that he was applying to my clit. Well, the wax was just a normal candle, causing me to scream in pain as he poured it on my chest, giving me second-degree burns. I asked him to take off my blindfold and untie me, but he had the icy\/hot stuff on his fingers and when he took of the blindfold, it got in my eyes. In my frantic attempt to escape my bondage to wipe my burning eyes, I knocked over the candle which started the nightstand tablecloth on fire. It was a hilarious disaster scenario you couldn\u2019t write for a romantic comedy if you tried. Long story short: Make sure you specifically purchase a sex wax candle. Don\u2019t buy weird Chinese oils from bodegas in San Francisco. And have a fire extinguisher nearby.<\/p>\n EXPLORE SOME NEW TOYS<\/strong> ROLE-PLAY<\/strong> FLIRT<\/strong> GO ON A FIRST DATE<\/strong> MAKE A SEX TAPE<\/strong> TRY BUTT STUFF<\/strong> SHARE YOUR WILDEST FANTASIES<\/strong> EXPLORE TANTRIC SEX<\/strong> If you\u2019re like me, however, all this intimacy sounds creepy as fuck and you\u2019re probably single. Happy Valentine\u2019s Day. I\u2019ll be spicing things up by trying out my new vibrator. Hit me up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\nGive her that\u00a0Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>\u00a0fantasy she\u2019s always dreamed of. Tie her up, or better yet, let her tie you up. Get an assortment of leather whips, ticklers and paddles. Maybe throw in some nipple clamps and a gag ball. Explore the limits of your pain thresholds. Work on your edging technique: get her close to an orgasm and then back off. You\u2019ll both be begging for more.<\/p>\n
\nThis can be used in tandem with toys and includes things like blindfolds, noise-cancelling headphones, feathers, ice cubes and hot wax, just to name a few. But first, learn from my mistakes.<\/p>\n
\nI recently went deep into the\u00a0wild world of vibrators in a piece<\/a>\u00a0I did about getting your lady a vibrator for Christmas. You can easily apply it to Valentine\u2019s Day. Two stood out to me as particularly appealing for fun, kinky couple stuff: the We Vibe Sync, which you can control remotely or from an app so your lady can be ordering dessert and you can be giving it to her. The other fun vibrator is the Hello Touch X that has four finger pads, for both internal and external stimulation and electro-play. If you haven\u2019t played with electro-stimulation, it\u2019s insane.<\/p>\n
\nRole-playing is a great way to spice up things with your partner, especially if you\u2019ve been together long-term. You each decide on a role, say one of you is a professor and the other a grad student, and you don\u2019t break that role, even when you\u2019re in public. It\u2019s an exciting way to inhabit another person and experience your partner as someone completely new as well.<\/p>\n
\nOne of the first things to go when you\u2019re with in a relationship is flirting with each other; it\u2019s a muscle you have to use and often familiarity causes that muscle to atrophy. On Valentine\u2019s Day, bring the sexy back. Webcam with each other and pretend you\u2019re in a long-distance relationship; sext each other throughout the day, send each other nudie shots, suggestive videos and descriptive messages about what you intend to do to her later that night. Build the tension. Remember what it felt like when you first fell in love.<\/p>\n
\nYou can either combine this with role-playing or just go on a first date all over again, no matter how long you\u2019ve been together. Pretend you\u2019ve never met, ask all the standard questions, get a buzz on and have a good old-fashioned one-night stand. Maybe throw a little 69 in, to really make it feel like a throwback to the beginning of your romance.<\/p>\n
\nNothing breeds intimacy and trust like making a sex tape. It\u2019s seriously one of the hottest fucking things\u00a0ever.<\/em>\u00a0Part of the hotness is the risk you\u2019re taking, but this is important: You have to trust this person with your life. Seriously. Even if you\u2019re married and have complete faith in one another, I still suggest making it on VHS, which won\u2019t eliminate chances of it ending up in the Pornhub amateur category\u2014but it will at least make it less likely.<\/p>\n
\nThis is often the final sexual frontier for both sexes. Or it\u2019s that thing you do on special occasions. Now\u2019s your chance! I\u2019ve written extensively about\u00a0female butt stuff<\/a>,\u00a0male butt stuff<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0pegging<\/a>. The biggest takeaway? Don\u2019t knock it until you try it.<\/p>\n
\nBe radically honest. Maybe you\u2019ve always wanted to have a threesome, maybe she\u2019s interested in double penetration with you and a toy (or another man). Sex in public, swinging or dungeon parties often fall in this category but remember, it\u2019s not necessarily about fulfilling that fantasy. It\u2019s about opening the door to discussion in a safe, non-judgmental space. It\u2019s the honesty that\u2019s the turn-on. Who knows? Maybe both of you have been harboring a fantasy that you both share.<\/p>\n
\nTantra deserves it\u2019s own column and it will get one, but to understand how fucking sexy tantra is, one of the basic tenets of the practice is that intercourse isn\u2019t the focus. This might seem counterintuitive, but tantra is all about rituals that are designed to increase sexual energy and the highest levels of stimulation possible. This means the focus is the build up and developing deep, almost uncomfortable planes of intimacy. Lots of eye contact, rhythmic breathing, playful touch, massage and finally, slow, meaningful lovemaking. If you want more information there is plenty available online.<\/p>\n